Episode 4: Learning how to budget better
Watch as our expects help teach us how to take more control of our finances. Understanding where, how and why we spend our money to better manage it will create more happiness overall.
Transcript
[UPBEAT MUSIC] [WHOOSH]
[WHOOSH] A lot of times we have self-worth and quality of life interjected with our sex lives and with our financial lives.
[WHOOSH] So, Juliana, talk to us about financial goals,
especially how those differ in your work as a marriage and family therapist. What kinds of questions do some of your clients come with?
So one of the things I found is an interesting trend in my work as a therapist is that the conversations
about finances are very similar to the conversations about sex. They're often viewed as taboo. This is something that you're not
supposed to be talking about. It is something that we don't have a lot of language for, and we have a whole lot of judgment and shoulds and rights
and wrongs. So one of the things I like to do when my clients are speaking about their financial goals is, one, say, yes.
I am so glad that you are speaking words to this. It's important. And we should be able to be educated,
and we should be talking about it. The second thing is we know about goals in general. If you're not setting specific goals and having it be something
that you put your energy towards, then you're not going to meet your financial goals. And you're not going to have that be incorporated in part of your everyday life instead of it
being something that's separate than how you're living your life. The third is, what is the connection between your financial goals and what are you
saying that you want? And how that is going to enhance the quality of your life? And how is it going to enhance your self-worth?
So I want to be very clear about, again, like, what are your whys in this? What are your wants in this? And how is that going to enhance the life
that you say that you want? Excellent. Rosie, the space feels more finite.
It doesn't always feel in our control as some of the other spaces like exercise or meditation.
And how does this change how someone might approach this conversation about finances and what options there are?
Yeah. I mean, this is such a great-- it truly is a great question. I mean, I, I grew up in an environment
where we didn't have much, you know. And I grew up with having lack mentality,
and I know a lot of people who have. And the way that this affects your overall experience in life,
I mean, it sometimes can feel like it's completely out of your control. And for some people, it is.
I mean, make no mistake, changing your mindset around finances with what you have and really focusing on how you can--
how what you have best serves you in a positive way can really begin to at least change the way
that you feel about money. [WHOOSH] The only way to really take control of our finances,
honestly, is to spend time on them. [WHOOSH] [CALM MUSIC] When it comes to finances, where clients ask for help
is really only two areas. One of them is organizing their financial information
so that they have access to the information, whether it's receipts and paper stuff and file folders
or what gets digitized. Take advantage of all of the automated ways in which we can have that humming in the background.
The people who are the most in control of their finances spend time checking their bank accounts,
checking the bills they have to pay, literally almost every day, which
is a radical concept to most people. And that might be 15 minutes a day.
That adds up to an hour and a half or so every week. But think about that. It's a time management issue.
First, look. Then you have the information. Then you have the information that will inspire different behavior.
[WHOOSH] [UPBEAT MUSIC]
Carve out time to actually evaluate, what is it that you're working on? What do you want? [WHOOSH]
Financial planning is ongoing. It never ends. Every year, things change. So you got to ask yourself, where am I now?
What's going on in my life right now and my finances? What's my budget? What's the money coming in, going out? What's in my savings, investment, debt?
And then what are my goals? It's very personal, right. You got to focus on your own life,
not what someone else wants for you or what your friends are doing at this age. And then from there, you just say, OK,
how am I going to optimize everything in order to reach these goals? It's so part of financial learning to do two steps forward, one step back.
It's life in general, right. We're like, yeah, I'm making all this progress. I'm never going to overspend on online shopping again.
And then next week you get stressed, or something happens. And you overspend on online shopping. So don't punish yourself when that happens.
Just say, OK, that happened. That's part of the course. Now I'm going to get back on course and continue to make the progress, right.
Life is never straight line. I don't know about you. None of my relationships have ever been like that.
My business has never been like that. My goals have never been like that. There's all these twists and turns. And then eventually I'm like, ah, I'm here.
Now it all kind of makes sense. So with our money, we have to remember it's the same way, and don't get discouraged when those setbacks happen.
But just ask yourself, OK, great. It's happening. It's part of the course. What do I need to do to just get back on course? You got to get in that space where you're like, OK,
I'm going to make progress. I might fall down again, but at least I'm making forward progress. Give yourself a little bit more praise or credit
for everything you have accomplished in your life is very good. [WHOOSH] We are our own worst accountants. We do a bad job of just trying to keep
all the different facets of our portfolio in our minds, at any one time. [WHOOSH]
It can seem incredibly overwhelming and maybe even impossible to get that debt down to zero. What can we do instead?
Well, step one is to actually keep track of where we're spending our money every single day.
Now, that's a challenging process to go through, for sure. I understand that. But it's an exercise that's well worth the time
because a small expense here, a small expense there, taking out a 20 out of our wallet or swiping our card for a small expense,
we don't remember that because it's really of little consequence. But those of little consequence expenditures
can add up over the day, over the week, over the month, and over the year. And we might find that a substantial source of our debt is coming from these things that we don't even
remember spending the money on. So try it for a week. Become a better accountant. Track all of your purchases.
You'll get a better handle on where are you spending your money. And then you can make a more intentional choice about whether you actually want to spend it there.
When we get concrete about it, what we might also find is that it reduces the stress that we have because now it's not just relying on ourselves
to remember where is the money going or to make up answers to that question because we will have the real data in front of us
to make more informed and better choices. When we're looking at how other people use their money, it gives us the wrong impression about
what works for other people, what brings their happiness and, as a result, whether it will bring happiness for ourselves. What other people present to the world is exceptionally curated.
It's not a true reflection of what they're doing, what their life is like, and how they spend those resources that they have. But it does serve as a very visual source
of social comparison for ourselves. Oftentimes who we follow on social media, what grabs our attention in the world around us,
are those cases that are exceptional, those people who are doing so much better than us. That's where celebrity culture comes from
and why it has such appeal for us. But what does it do to us personally? It makes us feel like we're not worthy.
So I encourage all of us to not look to other people's experiences to understand, how am I doing?
Or how should I meet my own goals that I have? [WHOOSH] [UPBEAT MUSIC]
[WHOOSH] Hi, I'm Rosie Acosta, and this is a meditation for any of you out there who are having financial stress.
Let's begin. [WHOOSH] [CALM MUSIC] So first, let's take a moment to sit up nice and tall.
Roll your shoulders up and back. Grow tall through your spine. And if it's comfortable, close your eyes.
As you begin to settle in, just notice your body. Observe your breath.
Become aware of any tension that this type of stress can cause your body.
I know it can be daunting, but just observe without judgment. Bring your attention and your awareness
to the center of your navel. You can even place both hands there if it feels comfortable. Stack one over the other.
So much of our stress and tension comes from our inability to feel safe.
So notice, what are the parts of you that feel currently unsafe?
And now acknowledge that where you are in this moment in this space, in this time,
you have everything you need in this moment right here, right now.
Relax any tension in your body. Know that everything you need is right here, right now
in this perfect moment. Take a deep breath in.
Nice, long exhale. Feel free to stay here as long as you like.
When you're ready, slowly begin to lower your chin. Blink your eyes open, and come back into the space.
Feel free to do this practice any time you're feeling tension around your finances. I always recommend, if it's something that's
causing you a deep level of stress, it's always great to talk to a professional that can help you work through this.
Thank you so much, and I hope that this practice serves you in some way. [WHOOSH] [HEART BEAT] [CHIME]
healthy habits
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