Updated on March 10, 2025.
A little temporary jealousy is normal on occasion. It’s not unusual or unhealthy, especially during times when we might feel threatened. But when jealousy becomes constant, intense, or overwhelming, problems may follow. It can lead to stress, relationship difficulties, and job troubles, among many other issues.
Here’s what to know about jealousy, plus effective tips to address it before it begins to affect your health and well-being.
What is jealousy?
“I describe jealousy as insecurity or fear,” says Kathleen Hall, MD, founder and CEO of The Stress Institute and Mindful Living Network. Essentially, it’s a feeling that arises when you worry that something or someone you value will be taken from you.
Jealousy is slightly different from envy, though the terms are often used interchangeably. Envy occurs when you want something that someone else has. Jealousy occurs when what you have feels threatened.
Many different factors can contribute to jealousy, including:
- Low self-esteem
- Insecurity, paranoia, or possessive thoughts
- Trauma in your past
- Moodiness, anxiety, emotional issues
- Over-reliance on your significant other
A person can feel jealous for a number of reasons. Common types of jealousy include the following.
- Romantic jealousy can happen when you feel your relationship with your partner is threatened, perhaps by emotional or physical infidelity.
- Power or career jealousy may occur when you feel insecure about your job position or status, like when someone else gets a promotion, raise, or other reward at work.
- Platonic jealousy can arise when you compare yourself to others or if you have a fear of being replaced.
- Sibling or family jealousy may happen when family members to compare themselves to each other, especially siblings. It can stem from school performance, career achievements, or even an imbalance in parental attention.
The dangers of extreme jealousy
Jealousy feels different for everyone. While some instances are minor and temporary, issues can arise when jealousy is severe or consuming. A person may become easily irritated, overreact, or become obsessed or paranoid, says Hall. Intentionally initiating and escalating arguments or withdrawing from family and friends are common signs, as well.
Extreme jealousy can also bring about physical symptoms. “When you compare yourself with a rival, you have stress responses,” says Hall. “Your amygdala, which manages your emotions—fear, anger and sadness, to name a few—will kick into high gear and you may experience physical pain.” Hall says that intense jealousy can lead to:
- Stomach aches
- Weight gain or loss
- Headaches or migraines
- Chest pain
- Gastrointestinal issues
Over time, intense jealousy can hurt you and those around you, including your partner, friends, and family.
What to do about jealousy
Psychologists often recommend looking at jealousy as something positive rather than something negative. Recognizing it can serve as a relationship wake-up call.
“Jealousy can save our lives. If you’re aware of it and able to talk about what’s causing it, you can deepen your relationship or use it to your advantage,” says Hall. For example, if you’re jealous that a friend is excelling at work, you can learn new programs or take classes to improve your career.
Here are some other ways to ease jealous thoughts.
Talk about it
Jealousy can be tough to discuss. But to heal, it helps to be open. If you have children, Hall advises teaching them from an early age that a little bit of jealousy is a normal human emotion, and that they should talk about it.
“If we normalize it, then people will become aware and think, ‘Oh, this is getting me nowhere. How can I get a handle on it?'" says Hall.
No matter who you’re jealous of, figure out if there is a valid reason. If so, be honest. Address your feelings and try to work on your relationship. If your jealousy is unfounded, have a conversation to let them know you are trying to control your suspicion.
Try the ACE method
With any highly emotional situation, Hall recommends using a technique she calls ACE:
Awareness
The first step is recognizing the physical, emotional, or relational symptoms of jealousy. Are you checking your partner’s text messages? Are you being disrespectful towards a colleague? Are you obsessing over a friend’s social media account? Be conscious of your own behavior.
Choice
Once you’re aware of your actions, then you have a choice about how to handle it. That might mean talking to your partner about the way you’re feeling, or speaking to your boss about goals and future plans.
Experience
The last step is all about thinking through your experience and your feelings. “You’ll probably think to yourself, ‘Wow. I feel better that I talked to my boss or I talked to my husband about looking at the female neighbor across the street,’” says Hall. Reflect on your conversations so you can remember how much better you felt afterwards.
Don’t forget to breathe
If you’re having feelings of jealousy, take a deep breath, says Hall. Inhale through your nose while observing your chest and lower belly rising as your lungs fill up. Once your abdomen has fully expanded, breathe out slowly through your mouth while listening to your breath. There are many phone apps that can help guide you through the sequence.
“Breathing takes you away from that focus; it helps you come back to your mind and body, and really connects you,” says Hall. “The minute strong emotion hits, your adrenaline starts pumping. When you take a deep breath, you turn on your relaxation response instead of your stress response.”
Find a positive affirmation
Hall says that loving yourself is important for your overall well-being, and especially if you’re trying to heal from jealousy. Hall recommends positive affirmations to help reduce stress.
Find and memorize a phrase that resonates with you, she advises. A quick online search will lead you to thousands of mantras that you can repeat when you’re stressed or trying to manage jealousy.
It also helps to think of your positive traits when you notice that you’re comparing yourself to others. If you’re jealous of another person’s parenting skills and fear you may you look poor in comparison, remind yourself of the quality time you spend with your family.
Jealousy can be difficult to work through at times. Acknowledge your feelings, talk with the person involved, and shift your mindset to the positive parts of your life. These steps can help you break free.
