Webinar: the power of social support

[AMBIENT MUSIC]

PATRICIA GERAGHTY: The whole world is a-- is a beehive. The social contacts are a huge part

of healthy living and healthy longevity. And the blue zones identified that very easily. It's that all of the blue zones, the-- the communities

in the world where people do have long life, one of the critical factors was the social group. That's something with my patients

I'm assessing with every single patient right now. What is your social group? Who's your beehive?

JULIANA HAUSER: I need help, but what also will help me is if you ask for my help when you need it. JEN CAUDLE: Can you remind us a little bit about some best

practices for checking on people, you know, how to turn for help? Where do we turn for help? Can you just sort of remind us about the importance of this?

JULIANA HAUSER: Mm-hmm So I encourage my clients to find a group of people to text and say-- we--

I have a couple, depending on their circumstance, like, say, we do, what's your loneliness number? And so they'll have a phrase of, like, between, like, anything

lower than a 7, it's just like, eh, I'm all-- it's not fun, but I'm doing all right. But if it's an 8, it's a phone tree, or there's going to be a Zoom call.

And to have, like, it already set up, so it's not as hard to ask for it, it doesn't feel as embarrassing. And to find people who are willing to risk

their vulnerability, to say that they need help at different times as well, because once somebody else asks for help and says, I'm not doing OK,

it makes it easier for the next person. So if you don't have that, be the person that does it first, and that makes it easier to have reciprocity in it.

That's the first thing I would say, too. Then the next thing is to have resources available, and so have that.

Even as a friend, if you're not in the medical community, have a group of numbers that you can give others, and even offer to make the phone calls for them to make it easier

to ask for help.

[GUITAR MUSIC] JEN CAUDLE: How important is it to check in with other people--

family, friends? How much does it matter? What are your thoughts? BETSY CHUNG: I think it matters so, so much. I think that checking in with friends and family kind of shows

that it's OK to talk about feelings and OK to talk about things. Just kind of when we see somebody struggling--

hey, how are you doing, not being afraid to have those kinds of conversations-- those were always those taboo subjects.

We might think, oh, you know, maybe they're not going to want to talk about it. Maybe I'm-- you know, maybe I'm crossing certain boundaries

or something. But no, I think that when we need help, and somebody is able to come and just ask us,

hey, how are you doing? I see you. I'm noticing you. I noticed that you're a little bit more withdrawn lately--

I think that that really opens up conversations that people aren't used to having and sometimes even don't realize that they need to have.

JEN CAUDLE: Well, you know, and what you're doing, Betsy, is you're giving us permission. And I appreciate that. You're giving us permission to check in with one another.

You're saying, hey, don't worry that you're crossing a line, as you mentioned. Don't worry that you're sort of breaking sort of, you know, hey,

can we talk about that? You're giving us permission to ask people how they're doing, to check in on people, to express concern,

or just-- you know, just general interest. And that matters a lot. And I think we need that permission. So-- so thank you for that.

[UPBEAT MUSIC] I think I kind of have the answer to this, I think.

But I want to know, you know, what you feel about this, as the expert. You know, who actually benefits from kindness? JUD BREWER: The short answer--

everyone-- JEN CAUDLE: Sure. JUD BREWER: --benefits from kindness. Right? JEN CAUDLE: Yeah. Yeah. JUD BREWER: So we benefit because our physiology

does better. We're less stressed. We're less worried. We're less, you know, caught up in our own stuff, so we benefit.

Others benefit when we're kind to them. And the combination, you know, that connectedness feels so much better.

It helps our physiology settle when we feel connected with people rather than when we feel divided. So short answer-- it helps everyone.

Imagine what it would be like to make eye contact just as a-- as a gesture of kindness toward everybody

that we see, right, just for a moment. It doesn't take extra effort. It doesn't take energy. You don't need an app for it.

You know, it just happens. So that's step one. The next step is to simply step back, and see, what did that

feel like? What was it like when I practiced kindness as compared to meanness or selfishness? And what's it like when somebody is kind toward me?

Maybe somebody looked at me and acknowledged me as a human being. How does that feel? Maybe somebody listened to me rather than jumping in

and trying to talk me down with their-- with their view. So I really think of this as probably just those two steps and rinse and repeat.

Practice kindness, and then see what it feels like. Receive kindness. See what it feels like.

Rinse and repeat. [AUDIO LOGO]